Where I’ve been, and where I’m going

Y’all, it’s been awhile. I’m pretty sure I have self-sabatoging issues that need to be worked out, but that’s a topic for another day. SO. MUCH. has happened since my last post. To be completely honest, I just wasn’t feeling inspired to post for a few weeks, and then the world freaked out. Covid-19 has turned our lives upside down and wreaked havoc in our world physically, mentally, emotionally, and economically. In true Enneagram 9 fashion, I shut down. I stopped posting, stopped pursuing my business, and started numbing myself with “comfort”.

Of course, comfort for me is food, and I fell pretty far into old, bad habits. I figured it would be a few weeks at home and then things would get back to normal, so I was living by Vegas rules: what happened in quarantine, stayed in quarantine. 6 weeks later, I was 10+lbs heavier, my back was acting up, I wasn’t sleeping well, and my mental state was not the best. When I (metaphorically) sobered up and looked around, I realized I had to take control of the situation.

I felt like I needed rules in my life; some structure to fall back on to help me get back on my feet and feel better in my skin. I turned to the rules I know best: Whole 30. I’ve completed a few Whole 30’s in the past, but I always skip the “reintroduction” phase because I think I know better (lol). So this time I decided to commit to the full 30 days, and following through on the reintroductions to really see how certain foods affect me.

The reason you’re reading about this now and not two months ago, is because a week into my Whole30, when I was writing up this post, my mom suddenly passed away after fighting breast cancer for over two years. I stopped my Whole30 that day, and honestly stopped caring about dieting and weight loss in general. It just didn’t feel important anymore. Instead I focused on coping with my grief and emotions.

It’s been almost exactly two months since that day, and writing this post is harder than I thought it would be. My mom was my biggest cheerleader, and I’m a little heart broken knowing that she won’t be reading this post or sharing it on her Facebook page. Fortunately, I know the redeeming love of Jesus Christ, and I’m able to rest in the fact that I will see her again in Heaven. In the meantime, I’m working on finding a new “normal”, and working through the grief that comes with each new “first” without her.

So, here we are; no longer talking about the Whole30 I previously thought would be the focus of this post. In fact, I’ve had a bit of a realization over the last few weeks: I am done with dieting. I have dieted on and off for almost two decades, and it has yet to yield long term results, so I’m throwing in the proverbial towel. I have instead been focusing on getting to the root of my issues and trying to learn why I overeat (still a work in progress btw), and have been following the guidelines found in Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. This book has been incredibly helpful in shifting my mindset, and I’ll be sharing a full review later in the week to give you a better idea of what it’s all about so you can decide if it’s right for you.

Another part of my “revelation” is that I can’t in good consciouse coach people to diet, or try to help them lose weight, when I don’t believe that it is appropriate or necessary. This means I’ll be redefining my nutritional therapy services once I figure out what exactly I’m doing, so stay tuned for that.

I hope you’re doing well and staying safe, sane, and smart.